Memoirs of an Addict

by a young ex-drug addict

 

On a cloudless night, in solitude I lay.

The heavens above silently watching me pray,

dear Lord help me as my heart has gone astray

my will to live and hope for joy are slowly fading away.

My heart is ambushed by unbearable pain, I seek answers only Thou can explain

I stare at the skys anticipating God’s reply

Disappointedly I sigh and realize the answers are hiding behind closed eyes.

In the darkness of my mind a light emerged and in the echoes I hear my name

A beautiful shadow then gripped my hand and we set out on a journey down memory lane

My life had flashed in m mind, a collage of misty scenes

I searched for episodes and my mind got carried to my early teens….

 

Lonely I was searching like crazy for answers.

My search ended, drugs were my fave new toy!

My love for drugs each day kept growing stronger

but weed didn’t satisfy me any longer.

A perfectionist I am to find the perfect love

I began experimenting

But drugs was unfaithful

A few years later and the pursuit wasn’t ending.

 

I broke up with drugs which I considered my first wife

A few years later the girl of my dreams entered my life

Finally it seemed life had been kind to me

Little did I know, I was just being tricked by destiny

I was blinded by love, a new person I had become

to see her smile, anything in the world I would have done.

 

Once again, my bad luck triumphed and my only true love I lost

With pain and tears I had to pay the cost

Suicidal I became

tired of constantly having to bear such pain

My life showed no mercy

Loads of sorrow I had, yet again

 

Heartache and tears without choice I had to bear

Who could I have complained to and told it wasn’t fair?

From who could I have expected concern and care?

The answer was drugs, my first affair…

I overlooked al of its betrayal, and surrendered to Kat

Why shouldn’t I, when people gave me more sorrows then crystal meth?

But once again drugs cheated me

broke its promise of satisfaction till eternity.

Extremely disheartened I am

unable to trust

doesn’t matter what I do or what I must.

Answer me oh Lord, for I am lost

to get some contentment what will it cost?

To the drugs I loved I kissed goodbye

yet in solitude I often hear my heart cry.

Please give it back to me

the people who care and I misunderstood

let them know my choices

May have been bad but I’m good at heart

 

Grant me a companion that will never leave my side

someone to love me unconditionally for what I am inside

I am a desperate soul.

I seek some love, please answer this prayer my dear Lord above

My mind still isn’t completely clear

but just talking to You has made me feel light

I know in my heart that only Thou has the power to set things right

Today I accept Thee out of love and not fear

for this conversation has made me realize

that Thou art the only friend who shall always be here